I haven’t posted in a long time but it isn’t like anyone read this anyway. I write for me and I talk about what is relevant in my life.
This week has been terrible or heart-crushing for some, while many people have love they are with a partner that rejects it. Some are deeply in love but just have their offers and gestures of good faith and romance crushed. Others in love might suddenly have their world come crashing down as their lover now rejects their feelings. While many, come home to their empty house and can only hope to be part of the twisted games that love plays. The heart-wrenching emotions that can cripple even the strongest men and make them weep as women are the weakness for most men. Even though the trials of love might be difficult if it was meant to be, I feel there is no stopping it and if the relationship proves unfit, they are better off searching. With the enormous population in the world, the chances of finding your soul mate is slim to none and the only way to grasp happiness is to never give up hope. Don’t let things get you down and don’t stop trying. It is probably the most difficult pursuit in every person’s life but people will never give up their search and always pursue love, for what is life without it.
As the truth lies behind all memories and my actual past is a mystery to many. I have no qualms with it because one way or another it made me the person I have become today. I was too emotional as a child, its something I never share but I was a crybaby for too much of my life, changing when I got into my final years of middle school. It was shameful to me but I could not stop it if I tried and eventually I cried all my tears out. Freshman year of high school was a lot for me to handle and it was the year that I really lost everything. I was in a bad place for the longest time until I decided to give up on everything I believe in. To wipe the slate and start clean is the best way to leave the past behind. I began to think about the people I was determined to make proud and there were only two, my mother who I love dearly and has always been there for me, and my abuelo who I was not able to truly connect with due to his early death. But I would think a lot about him and what he would want for me, I had some memories of him, always happy. I thought that I should make amends with my dad for his betrayal because it would be what my abuelo wanted but I believe he would want me to do what is right for me. I never made amends with my father and have no plans to ever do so but I continued on to make those I cared about proud.
After that year, I swore to leave all emotion behind except for happiness and continue on in life. I have been successful as I really live life carefree and happy, even when things go badly, I accept my limitations and do not struggle against the things I can not change. Acceptance in life is necessary and most people struggle against what they are powerless to stop or fix. I let nothing damper my moods and live on an embodiment of happiness for the most part. Nobody can completely cut an emotion from their being and live with what is left, there are times I do get upset and fight against it but I remind myself of this and am able to recover quickly. My tears are all dried up as I haven’t cried since the day I made my life changing revelation and have no future plans to, its not so much bottling up my emotion as much as it is letting go of it.
Recently I played through Katawa Shoujo which was a very sad and emotional game which really made me ask myself what my plan in life is? The future terrifies me and I intentionally do not commit to it only to let fate and luck decide my path in this world and continue on to the best of my ability. I have made great strides in the past two weeks though that give me a grand scheme of the future if nothing else just a strong archetype. I now know the major I wish to pursue and am changing to an Information Technology degree path and I am just looking to find the girl that I can truly trust that will follow me into the future.
I can really say that I love my friends and the support they give me to continue on because I don’t know how far I would of made it without them. We have a group made of nearly unbreakable bonds and it is something most people don’t have. I can only say that regardless of where life takes us, I know we will always retain these memories and our friendship. I am looking forward to seeing where the future will take us.
If I could cry, the rivers would run red.
Met a girl in my Astronomy class, here is a list of things about her so far:
Loves Final Fantasy Games
Likes Star Wars
Likes Classic Rock
Works as a Sushi Chef
Has a Japanese background
Wants to become a Japanese School Teacher
She is very attractive
she has a boyfriend
She has a boyfriend
SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND
Beneath every person lies a deep history that for most, will never be told. What you see from a person never truly tells you who they are or what they are really like. There is no way to know the essence of anyone but yourself and I find that most people do not understand that simple fact. Everyone has their dark side, the things that they never speak of and do not tell to anyone else. Even I possess many secrets that will never be known by anyone. People bury their pasts and forget what should be forgotten among the shadows, never willing to shed any light upon it. Only forcibly will those secrets be shown, by those looking to accuse or insult, those who want to torment a person to their core by unearthing the hidden remains of the past for all to see. You can only perceive what you are given and because of that no one is innocent. It is only natural though for people to have their own personal skeletons of the past, even if they are revealed the person’s true nature is never actually true. Truth is based around the perception of its audience and therefore there is no such thing as truth outside of personal truth. You can lie to others, but you can never to lie yourself. The best lies are the ones you believe to be true but have only tried to fool yourself. While you may accept it for a time, there is always the moment when it comes back to haunt you. There is no running from your own mind and that is what people are forced to live with. What governs the daily actions of every person on the planet, not their morality, not their conscience, but the fear of themselves and others. Persecution is an instinctual fear and the thorny path of a martyr is more of a curse than anything else. Fear will always be the driving force in the world, and what it does not control only lies among shadow.